Letters About Literature

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Carbondale, IL 62902

Letters About Literature

Letter to Julia Hoban, author of Willow;

            During the first quarter of my junior year I was assigned to read a book and then blog about it. I chose to read your book Willow. At first I was a little uneasy with the topic of the book, being about self inflicted harm. I did not initially think that I would have anything in common with the main character Willow. However, I decided to go ahead and give your book a chance, and by the end of the book I was shocked by how similarly mirrored mine and Willows lives were.

            When I began the book, I could not relate to Willow in many ways. Thankfully, my parents are still alive, and I have never cut myself. One thing I envied of Willow though was that she was able to fall in to the type of love that literally altered her life.

The way that Guy cared for her, is the same way I hope a man will care for me in the future. I’ve had my fair share of love, and with love comes heartbreak. I have not been lucky enough to find a love that mirrors the type that Willow and Guy share. I still hold out hope that one day I will.  

            When I started to get to know the character Willow more I started to realize we’re much more similar than I originally believed to be so. Willow struggled with a lot of guilt, and self reliance.

            Just like that devastating rainy night that changed Willow’s life, last year I had a very similar day that completely altered mine. My parents did not die in a car crash, but my family was not the same. I was recognizing those past few years that family dynamics were changing. My mom and I tended to stick together, and my dad and brother tended to be side by side. This wasn’t exactly unusual for us, but the tension began to grow and grow. One night my brother told me that he and my father were moving; leaving me and my mom behind. My mom is such a strong person, like Willow’s brother Dave that it was almost impossible to talk to her about the way the family dynamic now was. I felt so guilty that there was nothing I could do. Like Willow, there was no way for me to bring them back. I had never felt so useless in my life.

            During this time I had to become an even more independent person. Willow was able to take care of herself, and function almost without any help. I had to become that person. Like Willow, I began to feel numb, not being able to feel any emotion, good or bad. I tried to find a way to feel something again. While Willow found feelings in cutting, I found mine in pretending that everything is perfect. I ended up doing the exact opposite of what Willow did. While she physically disgraced her body, I marked mine up with eyeliner and jewelry. Even though I’m not cutting up the outside of my body, the inside of mine was tearing every moment. I didn’t realize I was doing so much self harm to myself, until it got to the point where I needed medical attention. Just because Willow and I used different weapons, the crime we committed on our bodies ended with the same result.

            Even though Willow had different circumstances than I did, the story of her journey really affected me. Knowing that I’m not alone in certain feelings really helped me through a lot. I didn’t think that anybody could mirror my life so exact that it’s always a good feeling knowing there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Sincerely,

Macie Wheeler